It’s been just three days since our country was rocked to it’s very core. The lives of twenty babies and six amazing women who cared for them were taken away in a heinous and senseless act that has left everyone grasping for answers. The families of the victims are living and grieving in unimaginable pain, and our country mourns with them.
As the mother of three small children, it’s hard to keep my mind from drawing parallels and imagining what hell their families are living in. I hear my babies squealing and giggling as I write this and I feel very thankful and blessed, but I also feel the sting of fear and pain. This planet we live on is an amazing place, full of opportunity and we try so hard to do everything right, but tragic events like this remind us that even when we do all of the “right things” there are still things beyond our control. It’s scary, bitter and sobering.
To be honest, I spent a good bit of the weekend in a haze. I do not know any of the parents or families in Connecticut, but I have a family and the thought of any one of my loved ones feeling even a moment of the fear or pain that everyone at that school felt makes my heart ache and my eyes well up with tears. Every part of me wishes that I could package up all of my love and strength and ship it off to Newtown to be soaked up by the families of the victims, that just maybe I could help.
While I may not be able to ship my love and strength off to Connecticut, I feel that I can still make a difference – that we can all make a difference. We can remember this event and move forward with purpose. We can continue to love, and continue to teach our children to love and to treat people with compassion, and to see the good in people and to reach out to help those in need.
As easy as it would be for me to hate and paint the killer as a monster, I can’t help but wonder what could have been prevented if someone had truly paid attention to that young boy. We don’t have all of the facts yet, but he was just twenty himself and people don’t just wake up one morning to randomly commit unimaginably horrific crimes against innocent people. There are always signs, but if no one cares enough to pay attention they are lost. It pains me to think that this young man could have been so insignificant to people – that he could have felt so insignificant. It pains me more to know that there are people out there that are just as overlooked. No one should feel unimportant in this life that we are given and my heart aches for those that do.
There are many issues to fight for out of this tragedy, and so many places to direct our anger. I can’t speak for others, but I know that I am still having a hard time wrapping my head around any of this. In the midst of it all, my heart and mind keeps returning to the possibilities behind “why” this happened, and also how to prevent acts like this in the future. How can we reach out to people and connect with them before tragedies like this can become a reality? Before people can become so broken that they resort to these irrational means of acting out? I don’t know if this is even possible, but I feel like there is a break in the chain somewhere. I know that there is no magic fix, but I feel like an improvement in our mental health resources could be a step in the right direction and a step in showing and teaching compassion to people who struggle with conflicts in their own minds.
I’m not use to writing about such heavy topics, and I apologize if I haven’t worded my thoughts clearly or completely – I’m sure I’m not the only one guilty of this in emotional times, but I felt the need to acknowledge what happened in Newtown and to send out into the universe my heart and love to the families for the lives that were taken so senselessly. My thoughts and prayers are with them and with every single person that has been touched, no matter how indirectly, by this tragedy.