Four quick tips on Love & Relationships

by Amanda Hearn · 8 comments

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I won’t deny it, marriage is hard. My husband is awesome but other times I want to run screaming for the hills… which might be an understatement. I think that in relationships – of any kind – it is easy to forget that the other party is a person, with feelings and thoughts all their own – just as valid as our own. With that in mind, I want to offer a few tips that I have learned in my years, all thirty of them.

{1} Partners are… well, they are people.

Shocker right? I joke at times about the routine of our lives and how robotic it can all be – but we’re not robots, we’re not cool zombies and like it or not my spouse doesn’t always have the same ideas as me – or even like mine. I think knowing, respecting and appreciating that gets us half way there. Yes, we’re going to disagree and yes, we’re probably going to fight and say things that we should never say to one another but when we work to remember to see each other as people, it can help us take a step back because in seeing that we can also see our own reflection.

{2} Follow your instincts.

Another mind blower this one.. except it is. There are so many outside influences in life that it can be not only easy to second-guess yourself, but incredibly hard to do what you feel is right. Communicating with your partner and developing a trust of those inner voices can have a positive affect on so many areas of life – everything from the words you speak to the foods you eat. Intuitive living is all about following your instincts and doing what feels right, which can be very different from what we want to do at times, let me tell you! I know we are not perfect beings and we can be wrong, but when your actions come from a good place it rarely falls short in my experience, and even when it does the intentions do make a difference in where the chips fall.

{3} Tell them you care.

So often we assume that they know. My mom always said that when you “assume” you make an “ass” out of “u” & “me” and that, of all things, has always stuck with me. No matter which way you slice it, that’s generally how it works. I love my husband, he loves me. He works hard, I work hard. We assume that the other knows how much we care by the actions that we take, but then we’ve gone and done it… we’ve “ass” “u” “me”d. Of course we both recognize what the other has done on the surface - { He did the dishes – Woot! I don’t have to do that now! } - but without actually taking the time each day to say that we love them, care for them, respect them, etc they don’t really know – and without hearing it, we don’t really know.

I wouldn’t typically throw a product mention into a post like this but I happened to be sent a date night idea booklet from a company called Datevitation and I sort of love the concept. One of the hardest things about connecting with my husband is simply taking the time to connect. We use to do date nights every other week but they were always the same and predictable. It was nice to spend time together but there was no excitement. When this company emailed me I was a little skeptical – after all, I’m a crafty girl and can whip up some fun graphics – but then I looked through their site and found myself excited about making my own booklet. They have fun ideas (even for nights in!) and you can enter your own messages with each one – I won’t share mine with you here but let’s say that I was a bit cheeky and had a lot of fun with it and I am pretty darn excited to give it to my husband for Valentine’s Day.

{ Special Note : Datevitation has offered one of you a completely custom booklet too so be sure to head over to that post to enter.  This will be a short giveaway to allow time for you to receive it in time for Valentine’s Day! }

{4} Last but not least – have fun.

Day-to-day life has a way of wrapping us up and keeping us from the things that truly matter. Taking the time to think about what we want out of life, and how we want to look back on our life, can be a very grounding experience – helping to keep focused on our true hopes, dreams and goals. Work and responsibilites will always be a constant in life but our loved ones come and, unfortunatley, go. Imagine how you might look back on your life thirty years from now. Are there things that you wish you had done? Are there people you wish you had spent more time with, connected with or simply said more to? Draw up a “bucket list” if it helps, but remember to make time for the life that you want to live. After all, we’ve only got one shot.

I’m sure there is so much more to be said, but these are just a few things that I find important in my relationships. What tips do you think are important in helping to foster good relationships  with partners, family or friends?

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Grace B. January 22, 2013 at 3:17 pm

My marriage basis:
- Trust. No secrets (except presents for birthdays, holidays or planning a special trip).
- We Date. We spend time with just each other, talking, laughing, spending time acting like we did before we married.
- Talk. Without yelling, screaming or fighting. Nothing is off limits. And you must hear the other person out without cutting them off or starting a fight.
- Don’t Hide Anything. If it bothers us or we are curious then we ask. I ask if my DH is angry with me about something. If he is, he can say so without me becoming angry just over the fact he is, so we can settle it before a little thing blows up into a monster.

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Stacy January 30, 2013 at 7:21 pm

Great tips, as I am dealing with some tough relationships in my life right now!

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Scarlet of Family Focus Blog January 31, 2013 at 7:15 am

Good tips. #4 seems obvious but can go by the wayside sometimes! I tweeted and stumbled!

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Amanda January 31, 2013 at 11:26 am

I agree, thank you so much Scarlet! :)

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Jacqueline January 31, 2013 at 3:29 pm

My husband and I have a mantra:”Don’t sweat the small stuff”. Does it really matter that he leaves his dirty socks and unmentionables on the bedroom floor or that she sometimes dis-remembers to check the fuel gauge levels on the family vehicles?
A sense of humor goes a long way toward marital bliss!

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Melody Cason February 1, 2013 at 2:00 pm

Yes to all the tips in this post. We have been married for 6.5 years and one thing I try to do is tell him how much he means to me, and compliment him on all the things I genuinely love about him. It builds him up and reminds me that he is, as you said, a person like me, and needs to be loved and reassured.

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Casey B. February 5, 2013 at 1:23 am

I think another things that helps my husband and I is to remember the big picture. We can get so caught up in our busy lives that sometimes we get lost and make things bigger than they need to be. I agree to not sweat the small stuff (well, unless that small thing is a child ;) ) but sometimes even having a long term perspective can help. It’s a comfort that my husband and I have the same goals and sometimes it’s great to sit down, look at where we are, where we’ve come and how much closer we are to where we want to be. It’s a really rewarding experience and helps us to appreciate things a little bit more. :)

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Beth Rees February 6, 2013 at 10:26 pm

I love these tips! I think it is so easy to get stuck in our normal routines that we forget the common sense things. My husband and I were talking the other day and actually couldn’t even remember if we talked that day before then :) Sometimes we just need to remember to take that small step :)

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