Sometimes Life Sucks

by Amanda Hearn · 20 comments

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Cappy Enjoying the SunSorry for the delayed update, things have been insane here. After a week of searching, praying and hoping, we found our beloved Cappy. Tragically the outcome is not what we had hoped. We are heartbroken, and at the conclusion of the week-long search, I loaded the kids in a car and drove three hours to Cincinnati to begin settling into our new home.

Throughout our search for Cappy, we worked to stay optimistic that we could bring him home and reunite our family. We drove, walked, knocked on doors, posted fliers, made huge signs, shared on Facebook and posted on websites. We even faxed his photo and flier to shelters and vets offices all over neighboring counties. We received calls and as a result of our search a few other animals may be reunited with their families, and at least one has a new home. (see the kitty photo below)

Kitty BallWe had heard so many uplifting stories of dogs wandering home a week later, I felt like it had to be close. Yes, that would be us! Then after almost a full week of searching we had two sightings on a road close to ours. I drove and searched early in the day, but no sign of him. I put up more signs and knocked on more doors. The second call came in the afternoon and I rushed out to search again, ready to knock on more doors but the first I came to gave me a knowing look and he said, “I may have bad news for you.” My heart sank into my stomach and I knew.

The man was kind and said that his neighbor, a young man, had been walking home from the local school and had seen a dog hit. As I drove to his house I prayed and begged that it wasn’t our Cappy, but I already knew the answer. I pulled into the drive and showed the young man our flier. The look on his face made my body go hot and then he said he could take me to him. We drove the short distance and parked the car in an opening in the guardrail several yards away. My legs gave out and I simply could not take a step towards him. I couldn’t even see him but I knew.

Cappy had a red collar with two tags – my husband had placed tape around one to keep the tags from clanging as he trotted through the house. The kind young man confirmed his tags for me and told me that he had been gone for much of my search. I couldn’t breathe. I dialed my husband and I could barely speak.

“Did you find him?”

Yes

“Is he okay?”

No.
I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry! I tried!

I sobbed and my legs were weak. We had done all that we could do. It was not like Cappy to run. In his years with us, he has never attempted such a thing. He’s visited our neighbors on the rare occasion to explore their yard smells (they have a dog too), but that’s it. We have three young children who often forget to latch the gate on our back deck, no matter how many times we remind them, and Cappy never once tried to run.

A dear friend of mine was comforting me as I searched, she said that sometimes things happen in our lives and we need to find out what lesson or message we can receive from it. Our hearts are broken, but Cappy gave me something that is precious and invaluable. He reminded me that my heart can be open in ways that I often underestimate. I had no idea I could hurt so badly or love a pet so much. It fucking sucks, but I can appreciate the depths of my heart that I now know. I can be thankful for that, and thankful to Cappy for giving that to me.

My husband has lost his best friend, and we have lost a piece of our family. We love him, we miss him and we are so grateful that he came into our lives and expanded our hearts in a way we never knew was possible.

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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Maria July 18, 2013 at 5:06 pm

I am so, so sorry. :-( *hugs*

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Amanda July 18, 2013 at 5:41 pm

Thank you <3

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Agnes July 18, 2013 at 5:28 pm

So sorry, Amanda. We just lost our 7-year-old dog last month. She was hit by truck. It really sucks. We think about her every day.

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Amanda July 18, 2013 at 5:45 pm

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry Agnes :(

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Kate July 18, 2013 at 5:35 pm

I’m so very sorry for your loss. Moving is so tough on animals. We have 3 cats. During our move, 2 ran away. While we got them both back, one had an abscess (probably from being bitten by a feral cat) and his personality has been changed (so skittish now!). It breaks your heart when they are gone and you can’t take care of them.

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Amanda July 18, 2013 at 5:47 pm

Thank you, I have heard that it is really hard on them. I am so glad that your cats were found, it truly is heartbreaking when they are gone. You just want to will them home or rewind time.

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JulieK July 18, 2013 at 5:59 pm

I am so truly sorry! We have lost dogs to old age and I know how THAT hurts… thanks for updating as I had been wondering what happened to your sweet Cappy. Hugs and healing for your family.

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Wendy July 18, 2013 at 6:52 pm

I am so sorry for your loss :( I wish the outcome would have been different for your family. I can tell by your heart wrenching story that Cappy was so loved and I know he knew that too! When my girls ( 3 and 5 at the time) lost their pet, it helped them to be able to put up a wooden cross they made of sticks. My husband had not even buried it in the yard, but they didn’t know that and they felt like they did something good one last time. I hope you all can find comfort in your hearts! Hugs for you all♥

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Mindy @The Inquisitive Mom July 18, 2013 at 7:29 pm

((hugs)) Amanda. I’m sorry for your family’s loss.

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Lindsay July 18, 2013 at 7:34 pm

I am so sorry for your family’s loss. My heart aches for you. :(

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Becca @ Bare Feet on the Dashboard July 18, 2013 at 9:41 pm

I’m so sorry. There is nothing like the unconditional love of a dog to a family. Hugs to all of you.

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Steph July 18, 2013 at 10:19 pm

I’m so sorry. I’m glad you were about to find him though and have that closure.

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Lisa @Retro Housewife Goes Green July 19, 2013 at 12:55 am

I’m so sorry, losing a pet is so hard. Lots of love and light.

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Elizabeth July 19, 2013 at 7:50 am

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is awful. :(

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Jenny McClamroch July 19, 2013 at 1:58 pm

I’m so sorry Amanda! This post has me crying! How heartbreaking for you and your family!

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Amanda July 20, 2013 at 10:38 am

Aww, thank you Jenny <3

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Crystal Barnes July 22, 2013 at 4:22 pm

I’m so sorry. Losing a pet for those of us who have owned them is sometimes just as bad if not worse than losing a 2-legged family member. I don’t even have any words of comfort, but my heart goes out to you and your family.

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John Ward July 23, 2013 at 11:03 am

So sorry, Amanda. We just lost our 14-year-old Westie a couple of months ago month. Cried like a baby in the vet. I totally agree that it really sucks. We think about him every day and are blessed for having him. I really feel for you and your family

John

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Sherri August 8, 2013 at 8:47 pm

I just stumbled across your blog today and I saw this post and I have to say that I am so sorry for your loss. Losing an animal is like losing a member of your family and under such circumstances… I’m so sorry. I wish there was something to say or do that would make you feel better, but I hope you remember that he lived a good life and he was part of a caring, happy family. You gave him everything and in turn you were his world. He died knowing he was loved and a dog will never ask for more than that. No guilt. No regrets. Just love. Focus on the love. My kindest, most sincerest sympathy.

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Rebecca T October 5, 2013 at 5:36 pm

This is so sad, I’m sorry. I have a dog that likes to run sometimes, however he never goes more than a couple houses down to sniff around. I usually don’t worry too much, but hate to think that he could wander a block down to the big road and get hit, or run off at night when he’s hard to see (he’s black). We would be heartbroken if something like this happened to him.
On the other hand, we found a baby kitty a week ago, sweet thing, clearly lost. We tried to find an owner but were unsuccessful. I hate to think someone is missing their baby. We couldn’t keep him for more than a few days so he is living with a friend now.

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