School is in full swing and this year my youngest started kindergarten — as you might imagine, I soaked up every moment this summer. Now I’m really just trying to figure out what in the heck I’m supposed to do. It’s sort of surreal being surrounded by children for over 10 years and then suddenly it all comes to a halt. It’s not that I don’t know who I am, that is not my journey, but it’s that I don’t know what the hell to do. Where do I start? How do I feel about that?
I miss my kids every morning but I’m lucky, you see. Our bus passes by the house again after they’re picked up, so I get to catch just one more glimpse and I wave as I watch the bus drive down the road and eventually turn the corner and go out of my sight, and every morning my heart sinks. I miss them. I may be biased, but I think I’ve got some amazing humans living in my house and, as much as they can drive me crazy, they bring so much to my days. They miss me too, but they’re happy. They love their wonderful teachers. They love their classes and their school. They’re getting to meet new friends, and as much as I’d like to deny it, it really is wonderful and amazing. I’m proud of them and excited for them.
They feel it too. My kids. They have all expressed concern about my loneliness — and really I’m not lonely. Not exactly. I work here from home — technically alone — with several people via the internets. People that I enjoy working with. People that I am proud to call my friends. I’ve been building this path for the better part of 6 years, but until now it’s been mixed with breastfeeding, diaper changes, snack time, baths and snuggles. I guess I’m just not sure of how to navigate this new structure of time. The last time I had ‘free time’ I spent it all sleeping and partying… and I feel like that’s not really an option.
I’m not sure how this story is going to play out, but I’m sure it’s going to be beautiful. I’m thankful for a career path that I truly enjoy. One where I feel like I make a difference and work with really amazing people. People who are passionate and caring — sometimes a little nuts, but all heart. (I think these are my favorite ones!) And now I get to do more of that! I get to spend more uninterrupted moments on the things that make me happy, aside from my family. As I make those moments count, I also get to spend more time uninterrupted with my family — which is everything.
Being a work at home mom is not for everyone. You’re trying to work and someone needs a sandwich. Someone got a boo-boo. Someone’s fighting with someone else. Oh gosh, someone’s heartbroken — I’ll fix it! Someone needs a bath. Someone need snuggles — yes please! It’s chaotic at times but it’s not all bad — it’s actually pretty amazing. It really has been such a blessing for me. I feel like I’ve been able to have (a little bit) of it all. I sucked at a lot of it (so much), but I did well at a good bit of it too.
So this is my long way of saying that I have more time for you. I love this space and I’m excited to have more pieces of me to put here. Additionally, you can find me at Earth911, GreenLiving.About.com, and Green Child Magazine — whew! I hope you all have a wonderful day, week, month, year, life – all of it ❤️
Oh, I nearly forgot! I’ve set up a new email list to better serve everyone. I make no promises, but I hope to start up newsletters that share my work here and other places. If you’re a current subscriber you only see my posts here, so this will (hopefully) make it easier to see what I’m sharing and where. It’ll be the same style of newsletter – no spammy crap, just a heads up on new articles and fun events. If one isn’t relevant to you, don’t worry, the next may be. I cover a variety of green living topics that I care about: recipes, non-toxic living, personal care, parenting topics, etc. If you’d like to stay in the loop you can sign up below.